Monday, September 20, 2010

Another sleepless night....

Last night was another one of those "white nights", where I really try to get drowsy and not let my mind stray to the kind of thoughts that keep me awake ... but once you get started, sleep is a lost cause. There are all the little tasks that are waiting for me to discipline myself to complete. I review drawers and piles in my head and stress about the minute contents that used to have purpose and meaning ... but now do not. Why is it that I can't just discard this stuff with abandon?? It is all silly stuff. I DO NOT need to keep it. Am I a hoarder?? Do I have OCD?? I just have to remind myself how easy it will be to replace anything I need. It is just hard when you know the "back story".

Take the old, black phone, for instance. Andy was really very good for me. He gently talked me into throwing out the telephone that came from the house I grew up in. A wonderful, heavy duty, rotary dial phone! Big, loud bell! Great innards that would probably be a fine thing for Jeff to have at some point, as they have pretty decent sound quality. The phone that helped me communicate during High School ... it has the echoes of all the conversations between my mother and grandmother and aunts. It heard me tell my mother that I needed her and relayed her advice when my kids were sick. I used it to call the family when she finally slipped away after slowly being suffocated by lung cancer. A lot of my life went through that instrument.

BUT, as my son pointed out, when we finally come to the point of emptying our storage, it will be one of those things that have us scratching our heads about why we kept it. I had to listen to his sane observations and I followed instructions and gave it up. It was the right thing to do. I will have those memories, even if I no longer have the phone.

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