Sunday, September 5, 2010

A Hard Weekend.

After a lot of preparatory work, we had a 2 day moving/yard/garage sale. The very roomy driveway was filled. All 6 tables that we rented were loaded, shelving units were filled. Well before the starting time, folks started to arrive. Our neighbors had joined us in the effort and we all wanted to feel lighter and have our things go off to new owners. I have to say that I will be happy to NEVER have another sale. What a lot of work!! But, sell we did ... and then give and donate and laugh and sell some more.

I was surprised that I felt very little attachment to the objects I decided to jettison. Years ago, I would have packed every last item and wanted to move it with me. But I have worked to really embrace this notion of radically changing our lives and moving on to something completely different. Scary, unsettling, daunting, exhausting. A real roller coaster ride, emotionally. I have spent a long time trying to hold on to things and places. Now I am purposefully setting them all aside for something largely unknown.

Our son and his family came to spend time with us today. One of the hardest things for me has been letting go of the visions in my head of all the times I would have with my grand kids in this house. I look across the hall in the middle of the night from my bed, and think about the fact that Anna & Owen will not be spending the night with us any more. Maddy & Brody will not be here for a visit. We have had the last session of them coming to decorate Nana's Christmas tree and bake cookies for Christmas. No more weekends in the spring to come and dig worms in the garden and go fishing with Poppop. No more movies with popcorn snuggled on the living room floor. I will miss those sweet times.

What I have to keep my mind focused on instead, are the places we will be seeing and telling them about, the visits we will have when they join us on the road, the easy Skype visits that let us see and hear them and the joy of wrapping my arms around them when we get back together. We have grandkids in 3 states ... we can circle around and see them on a regular basis, pick one kid from each family to travel with us for a bit in the summer and help them get to know their cousins better while avoiding sibling squabbles. Moms and Dads can join us in state and National parks and we can all have adventures together. THAT is what I have to keep focused on ... the future and how joyous we can make it and the memories we can make.

Jeff leaves Tuesday to go to Texas and check out another coach we are looking at. If all goes well, we will put the plans in place to upgrade and enlarge our living space for our full time adventure. I am well along in the process of saying good bye to this wonderful old home that I have loved so much. I keep thinking about a line in the movie "Eat Pray Love", that I went to see with my friend last night. In her journey, Liz learned to embrace the Italian idea of enjoying life by savoring "la dolce far niente" ... the sweetness of doing nothing. We need a lot of that to mend our exhaustion after all the work of this move to freedom. It has been a hard weekend ... but it was another step in the process we have started. More steps ahead. Stay tuned.

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